9 bits of wisdom that my mentors from PayPal, Facebook, and LinkedIn gave me that I still use today as a CEO (2023)

  • Perspectivesis a weekly newsletter about careers, leadership, and growth by Ancestry CEO Deb Liu.
  • Liu says that every piece of advice she lists has done immeasurable good in her career and life.
  • She also highly recommends finding a mentor if you don't already have one.

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The following article was originally published February 3, 2023 on Perspectives.

A few weeks ago, for International Mentor Day,I wrote about how mentors can be invaluable to your career. Though we often give them less weight relative to sponsors, their insight and objectivity are essential to our long-term success. Mentors can give us advice and guidance, helping us in ways that others, who are too close to the problem, never can. A mentor's role is to be a cheerleader, mirror, and sounding board — all things that are critical to achieving our goals.

I have had the great fortune to have strong, kind, and steadfast mentors in my own life. Their wisdom has been transformative because they were able to give me important insight at pivotal moments in my life, just when I needed it most.

With that in mind, I've decided to share some of that advice in today's article. Below are nine of the best pieces of wisdom my mentors have given me, and the ways each one has changed my perspective and my choices.

1. "Your biggest challenge is having too many options. You will be great at whatever you choose, but you have to choose."

My high school chemistry teacher, Mrs. Norma Ashburn, told me this when I was applying to college and still undecided as to where I should go. When I sought her advice, she didn't tell me where I should choose to go; instead, she gave me this kernel of wisdom.

Throughout the years, her words have proven prescient: each time I've come to a crossroads, there has never been one perfect answer. Instead, I had to intentionally choose my path and make it my own. I agonized about where to go to college, which first job to take when I graduated, where to go to grad school, and where to work after getting my MBA. Each time, I returned to what Mrs. Ashburn said, reminding myself that the choice was mine to make.

Crossroads can be frustrating, especially when all we want is for someone to tell us what to do! But rather than allowing the weight of the decision to cripple us, we can instead see it as a good problem. Every option is good, and every potential path is a chance to excel differently. Choosing between them is the hardest part; after that, we can focus on making the most of the road we've taken.

We still keep in touch on Facebook today! She will ask me for crafting tips as she knew about my hobbies.

2. "Don't go with the easy choice just because it is there. Go with the right one for you, even if it is harder."

There's a saying that free advice is worth every penny you paid, but sometimes it also changes the course of your life. This certainly did.

When I was in my senior year of college, I took the LSAT and applied to law school on a whim. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life, but my boyfriend was in law school at the time, so I thought, "Why not?"

When I applied, there was a huge SNAFU with my transcripts, where they coded one of my engineering grades as a D instead of an A. I was only able to get it corrected in time to apply to one school, Yale. When I got in, I thought about accepting the offer (I mean, it wasYale Law School!), but I still wasn't totally sure.

I called David, my then-boyfriend, to talk it over. He advised me to defer my acceptance and try to get into business school instead. In fact, he told me that I should aim for Stanford's Graduate School of Business for my MBA since he could more easily get a job in California. I laughed and said that was easier said than done, but that was exactly what happened. (To this day, David still reminds me that I owe all of my subsequent success to his advice.)

At that time in my life, going to Yale seemed like the obvious choice. It made sense to me. It didn't require me to think too much about the decision. But in the end, it was only by pushing myself past my comfort zone that I was able to get to where I am today.

Although Mrs. Ashburn was right, and we eventually do always have to make a decision, that doesn't mean we should go with the most obvious option. Instead, we should go with the option that will help us grow, learn, and evolve.

3. "You don't have to know what you are doing. You just have to be willing to learn."

I first interviewed for PayPal more or less by accident. At the time, it was a company of only a few hundred people located in Mountain View. I agreed to the interview for a Product Manager role on a whim at a campus career fair, not thinking anything would come of it; in all honesty, I was mostly just eager to see the office of a product I liked to use.

I later joked that I went to the PayPal offices to visit a building and left with a job offer. The only problem? Throughout the entire interview process, I didn't know what the job actually was. During the final round of interviews, David Sacks grilled me not on product skills, but rather on my GPA, class rank, and SAT score. As the process went on, I slowly began to realize that I had no idea what a PM did. By that point, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone.

I showed up to work on my first day and finally found the courage to tell Amy Klement, the VP of Product, that I had no idea what the role was. She shared that many of the PMs there didn't have a ton of experience, but that they hired for smarts and a willingness to learn. I never forgot that. I vowed to learn as much as I could, as quickly as possible, and I have kept that lesson close in every job since.

We so often succumb to impostor syndrome that we forget how much we're capable of. But armed with curiosity and a willingness to learn, we can achieve so much more than we think.

4. "Learning to scale means learning to delegate. You may be able to do everything yourself now, but teaching someone else means multiplying your impact."

I often think back to when I was a brand new manager with just a couple of years of Product Management experience under my belt. I was about to learn that the skills that make you a great individual contributor PM do not always make you a great manager. I struggled to lead through others, preferring to do things on my own rather than delegating and keeping others on track. I knew the ropes, and I could get things done efficiently, so it was tempting to try to take the wheel.

When I saw someone on my team struggling, and the delays started to pile up, I sought advice from my manager, Dave Li. He told me that in the short term, I was right- I could get things done more efficiently because I had been doing them for so long — but eventually, I would need to learn to scale.

We often shy away from delegating because we trust our skills and know we can do the work efficiently ourselves. But Dave's advice was a valuable reminder that many times, teaching is more important than doing. In the long term, it is an investment in growth for everyone, and it allows you to broaden your influence further than you ever could on your own.

5. "Don't miss out on the adventure of a lifetime by looking at what you have to lose. Instead, look at what you stand to gain."

I was debating leaving my job leading the buyer experience product at eBay, where I worked four days a week. The hours were good, and my work was straightforward. I was about to be promoted to senior director (they held promotions due to softness in the business), and I was also nursing a newborn with a toddler at home.

When I first learned about an opportunity at Facebook, it seemed like too much of a gamble. I couldn't imagine what it would mean to join a startup with fewer than 1000 people, where rumor had it that everyone worked all the time. I knew that if I took the job, I would be one of only a few moms there, and I worried that the environment wouldn't be family-friendly. The opportunity was a great one, but it felt like I had too much on the line to take the plunge.

I spent a long time agonizing over the decision. Then I found myself talking to Lori Goler. She was a friend and colleague of mine from eBay and had already taken the leap to join Facebook as the head of HR. She urged me to not look backward, and instead to look forward. I did, and the rest is history.

Lori's advice taught me something essential, which was that loss aversion can lead us to make the wrong decision. Instead of looking backward, we should look ahead. This is where the biggest opportunities lie.

6. "Credit is infinitely divisible."

I once worked on an emerging business that was finally succeeding after nearly a year of grinding. In fact, I took on a second role at the company just so I could continue working on it on the side. It was a product built on a platform created by many other teams. We were getting a lot of attention because it was finally succeeding, but there were a lot of underlying conflicts.

I asked my manager for advice. He reminded me that credit for accomplishments is infinitely divisible. To be a great partner, he explained, meant understanding and appreciating those who did the work of building platforms for others.

We often don't acknowledge the work that's been done before us, but without it, it wouldn't be possible to build and move our products forward. There's no limit to appreciating others' hard work and achievements, and I always remind myself of this.

7. "Sometimes two people simply see the world from different perspectives. Don't assume the other person is wrong."

I wrote extensively about my experience working with my peer, Boz, in my book. He was the one person I swore I would rather quit than work for, and when he abruptly became my new manager, I was blindsided. Our working relationship had always been fraught before, but with him as my manager, it seemed downright impossible.

The day came when I had to choose between continuing to work for Boz or quitting. Spoiler alert: I chose to quit, but before I could finalize my decision, I was asked to try to find a way to make it work. I remember looking for validation and support from my then-manager, Mike Vernal. He told me I had so much in common with Boz, and that he had long thought we would make a great team. I thought he was absolutely wrong; I have to say, I was even somewhat insulted to think that I had anything in common with somebody I had such a terrible relationship with.

Mike eventually had me do an exercise on triggers. He pointed out that Boz and I had triggers that were polar opposites to one another, and that as a result, we caused each other a great deal of grief. He explained how our backgrounds made it hard for us to see eye to eye, but that just because someone is seeing things differently, that doesn't make them wrong.

During those tumultuous first few months of working with Boz, I kept Mike's advice in mind. It was critical to helping me to find grace in our partnership until we got to a much better place.

8. "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

When I was considering joining the board of Intuit, I had heard a rumor that Brad Smith, then the CEO, might be considering stepping down at some point. I wasn't sure what that meant for the company and for the board, which had me second-guessing the opportunity.

I ended up asking Jeff Weiner for advice. He recited the above maxim, and he was so right. When you make decisions based on fear, you are looking at the world the wrong way. This experience has reminded me over and over that we often focus so much on the end of the story, we forget about the path along the way. Every moment you get to spend learning from someone incredible is an opportunity, and you should enjoy it for as long as you have access to it.

9. "You don't have to do it all alone. Learn to ask for help."

There came a point after Danielle was born when I was nearly at the end of my rope. Danielle had colic, my father was in hospice, and I was struggling with my job. It was incredibly hard to work in tech, be fully present with my family, and also deal with two toddlers and a baby who cried three hours a night. I knew my father had months, maybe days, to live.

I asked for advice from my manager, Doug Purdy. He told me, firmly but kindly, that I needed to learn to ask for help. I felt an immediate sense of relief. Oftentimes, we get so used to juggling everything ourselves that we forget there are others out there to ease our burden.

Doug reminded me that we don't have to go through things alone. He taught me that it was possible to get support when I needed it and that others would understand if I just opened up and shared vulnerably about my situation. It turned out, he was right.

I highly recommend finding a mentor if you don't already have one

Every piece of advice I've shared in this post has done immeasurable good in my career and life — and I would never have received any of it if it weren't for my mentors. I'm not even sure whether most of them would remember what they said, but each of them left me invaluable wisdom that has helped me navigate my career.

I will forever be grateful for how my mentors have changed my course and reminded me of what's important. If you don't have a mentor, I highly recommend finding one (check out my last post on mentors for tips!).

If you have one, consider how you can capture the wisdom they've shared that has touched your life in one way or another. Odds are, that advice will help you more than you can imagine — now and in the future.

Deb Liu is CEO of Ancestry and a Silicon Valley tech executive of nearly two decades. Read more in her Substack newsletter,Perspectives.


Why do successful people have mentors? ›

Mentors care about your achievements and strive to provide valuable guidance to help you progress in your career. Consider your mentor as a “professional partner” – someone who will counsel you through challenging times and share their experience and wisdom so that you can benefit from it.

How mentoring changed my life? ›

Mentors help us avoid mistakes that can be costly and time-consuming to our personal and professional progressions. They help in making sure that we don't reach a point where we have to say, “If I had only known back then, what I know now.” It is important to take seriously what your mentors have to say.

What is an example of mentoring in the workplace? ›

An example of this could be a more junior member of an organisation acting as a mentor, to teach the CEO how to use social media platforms or other software used within the organisation. Mentoring is a great way to help employees develop their skills.

Which feature of LinkedIn should you use to seek out mentors? ›

Using “Career Advice” to Find a Mentor on LinkedIn

Use hashtags in LinkedIn's search box. The social platform's support team suggests using hashtags such as #OfferHelp, #Careeradvice, or #Mentorship. Join mentorship groups on LinkedIn.

What do you learn from a mentor? ›

Gain valuable advice – Mentors can offer valuable insight into what it takes to get ahead. They can be your guide and "sounding board" for ideas, helping you decide on the best course of action in difficult situations. You may learn shortcuts that help you work more effectively and avoid "reinventing the wheel."

Why do CEOS need mentors? ›

Executives often have to handle situations in which sharing details with others in the company may do more harm than good. In these cases, a mentor can provide a reliable sounding board for the CEO. This also helps in identifying and addressing weaknesses, which can serve as a catalyst for one's growth as a leader.

How does a mentor inspire you? ›

A good mentor will inspire you, push you to break barriers, develop you, expand your perception, and most importantly, a good mentor does not judge. They offer a safe space to learn, and in the corporate environment, mentoring improves employee engagement and retention rates.

How mentors make a difference? ›

Mentors offer an outsiders perspective that is often hard to find in people you connected with on a personal level. They won't be afraid to be hurt your feelings, challenge your ideas or create waves. Good mentors cultivate a “safe space” where you can talk about your biggest fear or your newest business idea.

How do mentors inspire us? ›

A mentor helps individuals discover new facets of themselves. Sometimes, we need another person to show us skills and capacities we never knew we had. A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you, than you see in yourself, and helps bring it out of you.

How mentors can help in the workplace? ›

Workplace mentoring increases employee satisfaction and talent retention. Mentors not only develop mentees as successful professionals, but also provide psychological support. As a sponsor, they utilize their influences and connections to support the career advancement of mentees.

What is an example of positive feedback for mentors? ›

I can tell that I have significantly improved my project management and organisational skills. This has only been possible because you taught me the value of analysis and time management. I am certainly a better project manager today than I was before I was mentored by you.

What is a good example of mentorship? ›

Trust is something that develops out of the mutual respect and admiration that the mentor and mentee have for each other. An example of a good mentoring relationship is when you trust your mentor to provide advice during tough situations and those pivotal decisions impacting your career.

What do you look most for in a mentor? ›

What Are the Qualities of a Good Mentor?
  1. Relevant Expertise or Knowledge. ...
  2. Enthusiasm for Sharing That Expertise. ...
  3. A Respectful Attitude. ...
  4. Eagerness to Invest in Others. ...
  5. The Ability to Give Honest and Direct Feedback. ...
  6. Reflective Listening and Empathy. ...
  7. Willingness to Be a Sponsor.

How do I give an amazing mentor on LinkedIn? ›

Send Kudos on LinkedIn
  1. Navigate to the profile of the LinkedIn member you'd like to recognize.
  2. Click the More button in their introduction section.
  3. Select Give Kudos from the dropdown.
  4. In the Select kudos award pop-up window, select a kudos award from the options provided. ...
  5. Click Next.
Nov 18, 2021

What type of users does LinkedIn target the most? ›

LinkedIn income demographics

Remember: LinkedIn is home to Fortune 500 executives, CEOs, founders of major companies, and more. In fact, 45% of LinkedIn users are in upper management. That means the earning potential of those you can target on LinkedIn can be BIG.

What can you benefit from a mentor? ›

Benefits of Having a Mentor
  • Encouragement and support for growth and improvement. ...
  • Guidance/collaboration in research. ...
  • Teaching advice. ...
  • Building a professional network. ...
  • Help in becoming a leader. ...
  • Receiving useful feedback on behavior. ...
  • Receiving guidance on promotion and tenure.

What are the 4 key aspects of mentoring? ›

When embarking on a mentoring relationship, keep these four elements in mind:
  • Build trust. First and foremost, there must be trust between the mentee and mentor. ...
  • Establish goals and share lessons learned. ...
  • Take action. ...
  • Celebrate successes.

Why should I learn from my mentor? ›

Finding a mentor who is engaged in your development and success will provide a strong foundation from which you both can grow. Being able to receive constructive feedback will help you develop new skills more quickly and efficiently, thus empowering you to be more engaged in your own development.

What is most important to a CEO? ›

An important part of the CEO's job is controlling and setting company policies. They often create and amend professional and behavioral policies when necessary to address any concerns. Typically, human resources and finance executives assist with these policies.

Why getting a mentor helps grow your business? ›

By working with a mentee, mentors can gain new perspectives, learn new technologies and improve their communication and leadership skills. Business mentors also gain the satisfaction of helping and guiding their mentees on their path to self-growth and success.

What is the main reason mentors are so important to the success of your new business? ›

Confidence and encouragement

Sometimes all it takes to make important business decisions is confidence. Mentors are perfectly positioned to provide guidance and reinforce the business skills their mentees have, making them more self-assured in all of their business interactions.

What makes the best mentor? ›

They are empathetic, genuine, and truly have their mentee's best interests at heart. Mentors need to be great listeners, because they should be spending 80% of their time listening, 10% of their time asking questions to probe deeper into important topics, and 10% of their time offering advice.

Why is mentoring so powerful? ›

Through greater access to leaders within your business, mentoring provides you with opportunities to develop that you might not have in your day to day role. This is why it's so powerful for career progression!

How do you thank a mentor? ›

What's the best way to express gratitude to your mentor?
  1. Show genuine gratitude. Anyone can write a thank-you message. ...
  2. Mention the context. Take a moment to reflect on the ways your mentor has added value to your life. ...
  3. Give examples of contributions you appreciate.
Jan 25, 2023

What is a short quote about your mentor? ›

A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you, than you see in yourself, and helps bring it out of you.” — Bob Proctor. “A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.” — Oprah Winfrey. “Spoon feeding, in the long run, teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon” —E.M. Forster.

Do only 37% of professionals have a mentor? ›

General Mentoring Statistics:

Yet only 37% of professionals have a mentor (Source) And 63% of women have never had a formal mentor (Source) 89% of those who have been mentored will also go on to mentor others (Source)

Do you need a mentor to be successful? ›

It requires a set of management skills, including communication, planning, strategic thinking and problem-solving. A good mentor can help you develop these skills. Everyone should have a mentor (even your own mentor).

What percentage of successful people have mentors? ›

92% of ALL US Fortune 500 companies have mentoring programs. 100% of the TOP 50 US Fortune 500 US Fortune companies have mentoring programs. The median profits for Fortune 500 companies with mentoring programs were OVER 3X HIGHER than for those without mentoring programs.

Did Mark Zuckerberg have a mentor? ›

Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg

Before Steve Jobs passed away in 2011, he revealed that he had served as a mentor to Mark Zuckerberg while writing his biography.

Is 50 too old to have a mentor? ›

Despite what you might think, you are never too old to benefit from the helpful guidance of a mentor.

Is 30 too old to have a mentor? ›

People are not meant to become mentorless in old age; even experts need mentors. Being a mentor does not mean we cannot also be a mentee. Mentorship is a web of connections.

What are the 5 levels of mentoring? ›

While no two relationships develop in the exact same way, mentoring relationships tend to follow five stages: contemplation, initiation, growth and maintenance, decline and dissolution, and redefinition.

What a mentor is not supposed to do? ›

Mentoring is not giving advice.

However, it's not the mentor's role to prescribe a path forward for the mentee. First, the mentor must recognize that the mentee's journey is their own, and what worked for the mentor may not apply in the case of the mentee.

How long should you stay with a mentor? ›

Did you know that workplace mentorships generally last between six and twelve months? In that time, pairs go through four predictable phases that are often peppered with surprises.

How long should you have a mentor? ›

Whether three months, six months or six years – the reality is that it doesn't matter so long as the mentee is impacted upon in a positive way, they develop and grow, and the relationship can be called a success.

Do you normally pay mentors? ›

As I explained, many individuals these days pay for the mentoring they seek. It's a simple business transaction that satisfies both parties: the mentee gets what he or she wants (quality mentorship), and the mentor has an incentive to agree to it.

Why do some mentors fail? ›

Some of the most common mentoring program failures occur during the process of choosing a mentor, when there is a lack of clarity regarding the mentorship program, when participants are inadequately trained on mentoring when structural bottlenecks occur, and when an organization doesn't customize its mentorship program ...

What is one of the greatest values of a mentor? ›

Passionate about helping others.

Great mentors don't just provide advice; they genuinely care about the success of their mentees and are willing to go out of their way to help them achieve it. This is one of the defining qualities that reveals whether you're going to be a great mentor.

Do rich people have mentors? ›

The mentor is a very important figure in the entrepreneur's career in all its stages. Even those who have reached the top have had the advice of experts. Could we think that giants like Mark Zuckerberg, Richard Branson or Bill Gates transformed the world, do they did it alone? No, they didn't.

Who is Elon Musk's mentor? ›

Musk chose de facto mentors from a practically endless library of great leaders, like Benjamin Franklin, Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, and of course, Nikolas Tesla.

Who is Oprah Winfrey's mentor? ›

To stay grounded, Winfrey relies heavily on advice her late mentor Maya Angelou once gave her, which she also says is one of the greatest lessons she has learned and used throughout her career. “Maya [Angelou] used to say to me, 'When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.


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